just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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