I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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