College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
