Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize