boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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