You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
