Cold hands, warm shart.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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