He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
