Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
