piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
