I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
