Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
