Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
