why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
