we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
