Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
