I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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