what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
