i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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