talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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