You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
