i will never coherently bang her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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