She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize