Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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