Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
