Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
