Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
