Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize