The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
