it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
