dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
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