I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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