We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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