we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
