Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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