Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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