i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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