Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
