You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
