So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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