Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
