Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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