it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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