my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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