he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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