yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
