happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
