life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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