I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
