he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
