ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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