Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
