My underwear smells like fireworks.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
