Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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