if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
