I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
