At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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