The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
