last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
