I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
