I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
