Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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