Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
