Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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