Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
