I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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