Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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