He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
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