um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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