My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize