Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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