i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
